A feeling less person

Parents, are a blessing.. A blessing in its Finest forms.. We fight, argue and quarrel with them but without them life feels incomplete.. Without a shelter on your head.. And losing them is the worst experience.. Worst of its kind.. 

My Mother, who made me what I am today.. was very dear to me.. She was an inspiration.. I remember feeding my once very independent mother with spoons.. I remember rubbing her hands and feet so that she could feel better.. Rubbing her forehead.. Holding her hand for long hours.. I remember the repetition of her plea to GOD to make the pain go away, day in and day out… I remember all that.. And I remember that it all ached too much.. She was my mother and I was very very close to her.. she was my Mother, that’s it! That explains it all.. I remember when she didn’t open her eyes for 12hrs.. we thought she was sleeping but she wasn’t.. she had closed her eyes since she knew her time had come… I remember when she was being shifted into the ambulance.. she opened her eyes, looked around the room for a minute and closed them, never to open again… I remember the pain that moment gave.. I remember holding her hand and rubbing it in the ICU, while she was in a coma, when I was sent inside to tell her, comfort her by saying that she’ll be okay real soon and she’ll be home in no time.. I remember how my voice was trembling and body shaking while I was holding back my tears, when I repeated that you’ll be okay, the doctors are saying that you just have to stay here for the night, they are doing some tests.. and you can go home tomorrow morning….. She died the next morning.. I remember that and it hurts..

I remember my father being the best father a daughter could ask for.. I remember him being there always.. always supporting me.. always there… I remember his last words.. I remember his last minutes.. I remember when he leaned on to me and I brought him near the bed to sit.. he sat there.. held my hand tight.. I rubbed his back telling him that you’ll be okay.. his grip on my hand grew tighter and he just kept on moving his head to right and left, signaling a no.. I remember him saying.. It’s over, not anymore!!!... I remember him leaning on to me when his soul started leaving his body.. I remember the weight getting heavier and heavier as I held him.. and I remember my heart feeling the same…heavier and heavier.. I remember his body getting cold.. and then lifeless… my world practically revolved around my father.. and I could never imagine a day without him.. but he was gone.. his hand was still in mine.. but he was gone.. I remember how much it ached… he was very very very dear to me..

I remember the aches.. the pains… the stresses.. the traumas… with so much remembrance in my head… there is nothing else left to feel… losing someone is the strongest truth and that is what I remember… That is what I know.. that is the truth… that is what has made me what I am today! A feeling less person!!