Cherish whilst they are still around

Us human beings in general tend to take things which are available in abundance around us, for granted. Be it a material possession or an emotional one. Parents for example; We whine and crib with them, we shout and scream at them, we show them our affection and love too (sometimes) but mostly they are taken for granted as we know they are, and they will be there.. But the reality is, they won't be. At some point in time, they will not be around you to support you, to be there for you. This fact is known by everyone but is understood by hardly anyone.. You fight and argue with your parents even hurt them, because you know they will be upset with you for half a day or a day maximum, then they will be back to what they're best at, being a parent. I know they can be a little unfair with us at times too, but we have to admit it, we initiate all the arguments, don't we? Their anger is justified!

All of us have long term plans, and in those plans, your parents are always there, either in the forefront or somewhere in the middle but they are there. Same goes for them, your mother has already imagined you as a doctor or a pilot already even when you are in diapers. And your father has imagined you working in the best multinational company when you are still getting trained to tell when you want to poop!

My father used to say, referring to me, as I was the only and the youngest daughter: 'Iss ke liye tu hum ghar damad dhoondey gein' (we will find a son in law who stays with us), let alone that, he would never see me get married. I used to think, that when I will have a child, for the first 6 months, I will dump him or her in my mother's lap and I will just 'suffer' through the baby-less baby blues while eating lots of ice cream and chocolates (to relax myself ofcourse) and will pat/kiss/hug my child occasionally. I mean how can you take care of that tiny little thing, aren't they too fragile to touch?... Well anyway, that freedom went down the drain too since she won't be there either.
Parents aren't here forever, they might not be there to pat on your shoulder with a proud smile on their face when you have your success story to share. They might not be there to comfort you with a hug or soothing words when you go through failure. A time can come, when you come home from school, college or work and they won't be there waiting for you to ask how your day was. Even the repeated trips that you make to the grocery store as your mother again forgot a few things where as she has sent you three times earlier; well.. believe me, you will miss that too. You will miss when there is no one to say: 'Yeh koi time hai ghar aaney ka?' (Is this the time to come home?) or even the calls which your parents repeatedly make to know about your whereabouts as if you live in a war zone and can be abducted/robbed/killed any moment. You will actually miss when no one is overly concerned for you.

Parents are a blessing and you just can't function properly without them. We might not realize but we don't depend on anyone as much as we depend on them. So everyone who is Blessed to have their parents or one parent around, let them know. Appreciate them for the sole reason that they are your parents and they love you unconditionally.. And let me tell you, they are the only people in your life who can ever love you unconditionally. They might scold you, slap you even and tell you that you are good for nothing, but they love you and there is No doubt about that.
So cherish and respect them while they are still around so that you would never have to regret!

Scared

I have always ignored what I really feel or how much it exactly hurts, how much I have changed as a person, how much mature and old I have become.. I have never acknowledged all these facts, I shoved them at the back of my head in an area which I have never dared to open since I fear there will be too much, infact too many questions that I have left there unanswered. I feel my being will consider me accountable for all those queries and will expect me to ease them out to provide comfort.. emotionally, mentally and somewhat physically too.. I fear that I would never be able to answer those questions.. I know this for a fact that those emotions locked up there will haunt me, they will remind me of what I don't have and the wounds that have been sedated by me will wake up and they will burn and ache.. Those wounds have the capability to break me down, they have that much power in them.. I took these wounds as they came, slowly and steadily I braced them but I do not have the energy to bear them all at once. The reason I stay silent about what I feel is that I am scared of myself.. I am scared to look in the mirror to actually see where I stand.. How broken and withered I have become..

Denying the denial!

I just wish you didn't have to go, even if you had to..you should have come back... Somehow.. But you didn't... And you can't, for obvious reasons Ofcourse..Life was already difficult without her.. And you were the only one for me to lean on to.. I was dependent on you.. Emotionally and mentally both. When you went away, it was like my backbone was broken, literally... Into tiny small pieces.. I couldn't even gather them up to put myself back again.. I tried, I did.. I still am trying.. But every time I try to fix myself up, another piece falls off.. And I stand even more weakened and shattered.. When you were here, I was more strong.. More connected to reality.. But without you, I'm just living in denial.. And the worst part is, I even deny the fact of being in denial.. I feel less, I express less but yes... I laugh a lot but the laughs are vacant.. Without any meaning in them.. Without a reason or rhyme.. These laughs are just hollow from within.. Hollow and deep and rotten from inside.. Your absence has made me into a completely different person.. Though when she left, I was still sane and composed but without you, I'm just reverting myself into a shell.. This shell is hard as a rock.. Unbreakable. This shell doesn't let people come inside.. Doesn't let me feel or express. I end up hurting the people who are most important to me.. I torture them with my feelingless being.. But what they aren't aware of is that these clogged up feelings and silent words which are piled up inside me are as huge and deep as an ocean.. they are standing still inside but they are killing me.. Slowly and gradually they are taking away my soul..

I wish to run away..

I wish to run away as fast as I can, 

No turning back, and not giving a damn. 

I'm stuck in a place, no less than hell, 

But I can't say a word neither a soul I can tell. 

I wake up to a place which was once a home, 

A shelter for me that I proudly owned. 

Now what remains is a shattered dream, 

In a hopeless state and can't be redeemed.

'Distance'

Distance seems a word so small,

But carrying so much pain.

A never ending journey,

How much I disdain.

Voices becoming so low and faint,

Nothing remains the same.

Heard from a distance,

Are only incomplete names.

Memories slipping away

And faces growing pale.

Home, now a house,

Put up for sale.

Arms wide open

But no one to embrace.

A bunch of friendly people,

But no familiar face.

Sufferers of this distance,

Will surely empathize,

Those teary swollen eyes

And those killing sleepless nights.

'Lahore'

A small poem I wrote about Lahore and its different faces a couple of years back as a college assignment.

Temples, mosques and beautiful shrines,

a feeling so sacred, so touching and divine.

Vibrant colours and festive faces,

illuminating the darkness from barren places.

Festivals, occasions and  all these celebrations,

keep us alive and keep us in motion.

Sad faces of a poor man,

lying on the pavement, no ceiling, no fan.

Standing on guard at a restaurants door.

Happy and content, not asking for more.

Little boys fixing the cars,

throwing their dreams to a place quiet far.

Asking for money, knocking on the window,

Tent for a home, but dream for a meadow.

Worries stresses and too much of work.

Waiting for a life, looking out for hope.

Lahore is a city, of too many faces,

Too many people and crowded places.

Left Untouched!

I lose myself within myself, the complexities that surround me are drowning me in depths unknown.. Depths which have no end no beginning even.. How it sucks you in, that is unknown but this depth can break you and toss you around in a million invisible pieces. You can't even pick them up to put yourself back together again.. You remain those invisible little pieces and your identity is lost without being explored, you are left untouched..