Denying the denial!

I just wish you didn't have to go, even if you had to..you should have come back... Somehow.. But you didn't... And you can't, for obvious reasons Ofcourse..Life was already difficult without her.. And you were the only one for me to lean on to.. I was dependent on you.. Emotionally and mentally both. When you went away, it was like my backbone was broken, literally... Into tiny small pieces.. I couldn't even gather them up to put myself back again.. I tried, I did.. I still am trying.. But every time I try to fix myself up, another piece falls off.. And I stand even more weakened and shattered.. When you were here, I was more strong.. More connected to reality.. But without you, I'm just living in denial.. And the worst part is, I even deny the fact of being in denial.. I feel less, I express less but yes... I laugh a lot but the laughs are vacant.. Without any meaning in them.. Without a reason or rhyme.. These laughs are just hollow from within.. Hollow and deep and rotten from inside.. Your absence has made me into a completely different person.. Though when she left, I was still sane and composed but without you, I'm just reverting myself into a shell.. This shell is hard as a rock.. Unbreakable. This shell doesn't let people come inside.. Doesn't let me feel or express. I end up hurting the people who are most important to me.. I torture them with my feelingless being.. But what they aren't aware of is that these clogged up feelings and silent words which are piled up inside me are as huge and deep as an ocean.. they are standing still inside but they are killing me.. Slowly and gradually they are taking away my soul..

I wish to run away..

I wish to run away as fast as I can, 

No turning back, and not giving a damn. 

I'm stuck in a place, no less than hell, 

But I can't say a word neither a soul I can tell. 

I wake up to a place which was once a home, 

A shelter for me that I proudly owned. 

Now what remains is a shattered dream, 

In a hopeless state and can't be redeemed.

'Distance'

Distance seems a word so small,

But carrying so much pain.

A never ending journey,

How much I disdain.

Voices becoming so low and faint,

Nothing remains the same.

Heard from a distance,

Are only incomplete names.

Memories slipping away

And faces growing pale.

Home, now a house,

Put up for sale.

Arms wide open

But no one to embrace.

A bunch of friendly people,

But no familiar face.

Sufferers of this distance,

Will surely empathize,

Those teary swollen eyes

And those killing sleepless nights.

'Lahore'

A small poem I wrote about Lahore and its different faces a couple of years back as a college assignment.

Temples, mosques and beautiful shrines,

a feeling so sacred, so touching and divine.

Vibrant colours and festive faces,

illuminating the darkness from barren places.

Festivals, occasions and  all these celebrations,

keep us alive and keep us in motion.

Sad faces of a poor man,

lying on the pavement, no ceiling, no fan.

Standing on guard at a restaurants door.

Happy and content, not asking for more.

Little boys fixing the cars,

throwing their dreams to a place quiet far.

Asking for money, knocking on the window,

Tent for a home, but dream for a meadow.

Worries stresses and too much of work.

Waiting for a life, looking out for hope.

Lahore is a city, of too many faces,

Too many people and crowded places.

Left Untouched!

I lose myself within myself, the complexities that surround me are drowning me in depths unknown.. Depths which have no end no beginning even.. How it sucks you in, that is unknown but this depth can break you and toss you around in a million invisible pieces. You can't even pick them up to put yourself back together again.. You remain those invisible little pieces and your identity is lost without being explored, you are left untouched..

Love will come through..

With every beat of this heart life moves away,
Taking away the comforts and leaving me astray. 

Aloof and stranded I feel once again, 

Hope and belief is beginning to fade.

I can’t blame you or anyone around; 

this wrath is within, screaming out loud. 

I knew it in my heart, I could see the end of tunnel, 

this chaos is within no light can make it settle. 

Nothing comes easy in life, I was told, 

but love for once I desperately want to hold. 

But it tries to be like water, leaking from every crack, 

rushing away so easily and no way to call it back. 

One thing I wish and hope it to come true, 

this pain is all a dream and love will come through.

Nothing Remains

Empty spaces and deserted places,

Lost between a bunch of mazes.

A lump in my throat and this shiver within,

A void inside and no one to fill in.

The world around, seems the same,

But now for me nothing remains..